Yesterday was a shitty day.
I think everyone is going to have them throughout these weird and unpredictable times every now and again and they are all going to be for different reasons.
For me, I woke up yesterday morning and was planning out all the things I was going to do for the day to keep me from being bored and to pass the day. It hit one hell of a raw nerve and all I ended up wanting to do for the day was cry! It reminded me so much of when I was sick and when I used to wake up on Day 11 of my 3 weeks cycle, coming out the other side of the crappy 10 days after treatment and feeling up for doing stuff. It didn’t matter what that stuff was, just the fact that I wanted to get up out of bed and do something! What I did most of the time was bake, bring Oscar for walks, binge on box sets and do little house projects that would keep me busy. And yesterday when I woke up and was planning my day, I found myself listing all the same things and it just brought me right back with a bang. I got a really uneasy feeling in my stomach, and I felt really sad. I just wanted to cry – so I did! I cried to Jonny, I cried on my own and I cried while out walking the dog! But god did I feel better for crying. I was talking to Jonny in the kitchen and I couldn’t say a word because I felt like it was all going to come flowing out of me if I opened my mouth, so I did and it did!!
Jonny is the best in the world but when he sees me upset he just wants to fix it, to help me and to make me not upset anymore. Sometimes it’s not what I want, I just want to be let cry and feel my feelings. Yesterday was one of those days, but he did say something so helpful that I may let him help more often He said to me – of course this is going to bring back memories for you, the last time you were off like this was when you were sick and they were scary times, but why not do something each day you feel like this that you couldn’t have done when you were sick. So I did, I went for a run! I thought it was great advice – differentiate the two time periods in my head by doing something different now. Something I would not have been able to do when I was sick. I could barely walk around the block during treatment so running a few km was ideal. Fresh air for the mind and something to show myself that this time is not the same as the last time. The basic situation is similar enough, housebound from a situation that is totally out of my control, but this time I am in great health and I have a full head of hair! (That was another thing he told me to do after my run, go brush my hair! I couldn’t do that when I was sick )
Today, I woke up feeling good.
Like I said, everyone is going to have bad days, this is a shitty situation that we have to go through to ensure we protect our loved ones and flatten the curve! But allow yourself the shitty day – share it with someone – it’s old advice but good advice, a problem shared is a problem halved.
Stay Safe Everyone xx