Van Wilder Eat Your Heart Out….

Three years ago today I finished my last radiation session.  It was the day in my head that I was finally done with everything cancer related.  I thought to myself, right, now it’s all going to be behind me and I can forget it ever happened.  

That’s not how it works, nor should that be how it works.  What I have come to realise is that something like that, a trauma experienced, no matter what it is, changes you to your very core.  It changes who you are and it is about what you do with that change that will help you develop and grow.  I myself, needed help guiding my way through this change.  I tried to fight against it as I thought it was a negative thing, but being in counselling back in 2018 helped me realise that it was a necessary change I had to make.  And the last 3 years I have really been working on that change and on myself.  It’s never a completed project working on You, but it’s something that helps me feel the way I’m feeling today.  

Normally on this date, for the last couple of years anyway, myself and Jonny have been away on holidays.  It has turned into a little tradition for me, go and do something to celebrate the milestones! Nothing I love more than a good celebration! This year is obviously different with the restrictions in place and its frustrating as f**k the impact that COVID19 is having on everyone’s life.  The hurt and devastation it has caused is unimaginable.  This second wave seems to be coming at us with force and I found myself this week getting really annoyed and angry about it again.  But after letting myself be pissed off for a few hours I had to stop and look at the bigger picture.  I looked at how far I’ve come in the last 3 years, not only me, but a lot of the people around me, friends, family, relationships, have all been through a lot over the last few years and I am so proud of everyone for where they are now.  I think sometimes we need to look back at what we’ve come through to remind ourselves of what we are capable of. ❤

I know in my last blog I was telling you guys about going back to college, but I actually started 2 weeks ago and completed my first weekend.  It’s one hell of a commitment and I’m equally nervous as I am excited but I’m hooked already! 

Thomas Jefferson once said “If you want something you’ve never had, you must be willing to do something you’ve never done.” 

This quote really hit home with me.  I’ve been talking for years and years about doing this course but there was always reasons, excuses, not to.  But this year, I took the bull by the horns and I am so happy now that I have finally taken the plunge.  I haven’t studied for over 10 years, of course I’m going to be nervous.  But that shouldn’t stop me doing it! 

One of the great things is that as part of the course, you have to do a certain number of personal counselling hours,  and I have to admit I was looking forward to it! After what it did for me after cancer, I can only imagine how it’s going to help me in general life.  We all need a good sounding board for things going on in our lives, whether that’s a great friend or a partner or a complete stranger.  Depending on who you feel most comfortable with, make sure you have someone there to allow you to be unapologetically you.  The course is 4 years and I’m excited to see what the next 4 years brings.  But one thing I’ve learned is to be happy in the now because a) you don’t know what’s around the corner and b) what you are living now could be exactly what you had been wishing for, for the last 4 years.  Now, someone pass me the bubbles, just because we’re not on holidays, doesn’t mean the celebrations don’t happen!